I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
