Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
