were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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