Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
