Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
