GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Randomize
