i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize