I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
