So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
