I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
