Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
