Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
