So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I need a beard to bite.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
