you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize