It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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