You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
