some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize