so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
