allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
