You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
and she was petting her beer can
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
