I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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