You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
