She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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