Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This is the high leading the old right now
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize