Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
