you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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