Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
