Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
