he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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