my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
True but thats because hes a fetus.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize