party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
