I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
