i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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