Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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