It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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