How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
