Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize