Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize