So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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