when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
