I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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