Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i now understand why vodka
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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