Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
