im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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