I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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