new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
