I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
