It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
