I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
