Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
