based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
