i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
