I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
