I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
