i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
