yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
