there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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