dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
