I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
how do flat chested girls get laid?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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