Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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