That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
