Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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