they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The adults are the big ones right?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
