When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize