Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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