Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think your dad took our porno
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
