Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
