There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
