Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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