Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
