first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize