OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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