they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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