I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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