Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
