Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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