You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
