I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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