so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
