Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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