Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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