winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
