I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
