There is no way he is gay with that hair.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
