Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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