3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
