So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
