I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
