Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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