dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
