I think my fart just growled at me.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
