I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
