thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
