I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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