garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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