The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
