He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
