I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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