she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
