Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
