Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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