I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
