Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
